How I Built My Confidence: From Silence to Standing on Stage
When I was invited to speak at Coburn Women’s Network recently, one of the audience members asked me a question that made me pause:
“Have you always been this confident? How did you build your self-confidence?”
It’s a question I get often, and the truth is, the confident woman you see standing on stage today is not the same woman I was when I first arrived in Australia.
Back then, I couldn’t speak for myself.
I couldn’t open a bank account on my own.
I couldn’t even speak to a doctor without my then-husband being present to speak on my behalf.
I was terrified to pick up the phone if I heard a white voice on the other end, afraid my accent would get in the way, that people wouldn’t understand me.
At university, being the only Black African student in film school, my biggest challenge was a crippling lack of confidence. I avoided speaking in class, never raised my hand to answer a question, and dreaded presentations with every part of my being. If I could have disappeared into the ground rather than open my mouth, I would have.
But today, I stand before large audiences with confidence, speaking for a living. So what changed?
It wasn’t an overnight transformation. My confidence was built step by step, through learning to own who I am. Here are the truths that reshaped my journey:
1. Knowing My Truth
The first step was identifying my truth, my passions, my values, my experiences, and the deep knowing of who I am. For me, truth wasn’t about perfection. It was about honesty.
I had to ask myself: What is real for me? What do I believe? What do I carry inside me that is worth sharing with the world? What is my identity as an individual?
2. Owning My Truth
Knowing is one thing, but owning it is another. I had to stop hiding, stop minimizing myself, and stop apologizing for the space I take up. Owning my truth meant embracing me, fully; my accent, my story, and my perspective, even when fear told me they weren’t “enough, or important”
3. Trusting My Truth
Confidence doesn’t come from pretending to have it all figured out. It comes from trusting that your truth matters. I had to trust that what I had to share was of value, even if it wasn’t polished or perfect.
Trusting my truth allowed me to show up authentically. And here’s the thing: people don’t want you to be flawless. They want you to be real. The world relates to your rawness, not your mask.
4. Practicing My Truth Daily
Confidence is not something you build once and keep forever; it’s a muscle you keep strengthening. For me, that looks like continuously digging deeper into my God-given truth, studying what I’m good at, and refining it daily.
When fear creeps in before a presentation (because yes, it still does), I remind myself: It’s not about me. It’s about the message I’m here to deliver, and the people who need to hear it.
Final Thoughts
Building self-confidence and self-esteem is not about standing in front of a mirror and practicing power poses (although those can help some people). For me, it has been about going inward knowing, owning, and trusting my truth, and showing up as myself, without pretence.
Confidence grows when you start showing up as you are. That’s the greatest gift you can give to yourself, and to the people waiting to hear your voice.
If you’ve ever struggled with confidence or felt like your voice doesn’t matter, I hope my story reminds you that confidence is built, not given.
